Apakah ini Cinta? #Part1

” Cinta tidak harus memiliki, tetapi kepergian membuat kita paham bahwa kita memiliki cinta”

Andri : Knapa ya, Tuhan mempertemukan kita baru sekarang?

Mita: Kok ngomong gitu? Emang knapa?

Andri : Ya..knapa ga dari dulu. Paling nggak disaat segalanya masih mungkin.

Mita: Hmmm…mungkin menurutNya, skrg adalah saat yg paling tepat utk mempertemukan kita.

Andri: Tapi sekarang kan segalanya udah ga mungkin…

Mita: (diam)

Andri: Aku begitu mencintaimu, tapi aku terjebak dalam takdir yang tak mungkin aku ingkari keberadaannya. Takdir yang dulu telah aku pilih, sebelum aku menemukanmu.

Mita: Sudahlah, jangan pernah mempersalahkan takdir..

Andri: Kalau saja dulu aku tahu, bahwa aku akan bertemu dengan perempuan sepertimu.. Pasti aku akan menunggu saatnya Tuhan mempertemukan kita. Tapi ternyata kita dipertemukan di saat kita tidak bisa mewujudkan keinginan kita.

Mita: (diam)

Andri: Mungkin kamu akan lebih mudah untuk melupakan aku pada saatnya nanti, kalau kamu ketemu dan menemukan kebahagiaan dengan pangeranmu. Sedangkan aku?? Justru itu adalah saat paling menyakitkan bagiku, karena harus melihatmu bersanding dengan orang lain. Dan saat itulah aku akan kehilangan kamu untuk selamanya…

***
Dia, seorang hawa yang (mungkin) terlambat aku jumpai. Seorang hawa yang (hampir) sempurna menurutku. Seorang hawa yang begitu indah dalam kesederhanaannya. Dia begitu matang, menyenangkan, tegar, ceria, dan yg terpenting dari smua itu, dia begitu memahamiku.

Sejak pertama kali aku melihatnya, kemudian kami berkenalan, tak bisa ku pungkiri, dia begitu menarik. Dia begitu mempesonaku dengan pembawaannya yang menyenangkan, sehingga bisa membuat orang-orang di sekelilingnya merasa nyaman, tak terkecuali aku.

Smakin lama aku mengenalnya, semakin jauh aku mengaguminya. Semakin jauh pula aku masuk dalam pesonanya. Dalam waktu yang cukup singkat, dia bisa memahamiku hingga mencapai tahap yg menurutku sangat luar biasa.
Dan tak bisa aku pungkiri, ada hal luar biasa yang bergejolak dalam diriku.
Ya, aku jatuh cinta. Aku begitu menyayanginya, bahkan (mungkin) lebih dari yang ku tahu.

Entahlah..
Aku pun tak mampu memahami, mengapa dia begitu istimewa dimataku, juga di hatiku. Bahkan dia mampu membuatku merasakan dan melakukan hal-hal yang tak pernah ada dalam hubunganku dengan kaum hawa lain sebelumnya, termasuk dengan seorang hawa yang kini menjadi ibu dari anakku.

Siapapun akan mengatakan aku pengkhianat. Tapi aku tak bisa mengabaikan hatiku.

Maafkan aku, Tuhan…
Aku tak mampu membuatnya tak berarti di mata dan hatiku.
Aku tak mampu membuang hal yang tak semestinya ada ini.
Meskipun sungguh aku tahu, bahwa aku tak mungkin memilikinya.

Untukmu, yang selalu mewarnai hatiku..
Maafkan, karena aku telah melibatkanmu dalam pergulatan hatiku,
dan membuatmu menempati posisi yang tak seharusnya.
Terima kasih telah memahamiku dengan begitu istimewa.
Hanya kita dan Tuhan yang tahu, seberapa besar rasaku untukmu.

Pergilah, cari dan raih bahagiamu.
Karena kau layak bahagia.
Doa dan cintaku selalu menyertai langkahmu.

Tuhan,
Bahagiakan dia…

***

Sebenarnya apa yang dimaksud dengan “mencintai seseorang?”. Apakah harus mutual/berbalas?, Apakah yang Andri rasakan itu cinta?, Seandainya Mita menerima Andri apakah itu juga adalah cinta yang sama dengan cinta kita kepada pasangan kita?. Jika sama, kenapa nampaknya cinta ada yang bertahan lama, atau sangat singkat umurnya?.

Robert J. Sternberg (1986) dalam artikelnya mengungkapkan teori mengenai pondasi cinta yaitu Teori Segiti Tiga Cinta. Cinta memiliki tiga komponen: (a) keintiman (Intimacy), yang meliputi perasaan kedekatan, keterhubungan, dan keterikatan yang dialami seseorang dalam hubungan cinta; (B) gairah (Passion), yang meliputi dorongan yang mengarah ke romansa, ketertarikan fisik, dan penyempurnaan seksual; dan (c) keputusan (Decision)/ komitmen (Commitment), yang mana dalam jangka pendek menghasilkan keputusan yang satu mencintai yang lain, dan dalam jangka panjang berupa komitmen untuk mempertahankan cinta itu. Jumlah/level/kekuatan/jenis cinta yang dialami seseorang tergantung pada kekuatan absolut dari ketiga komponen ini, dan jenis cinta yang satu bergantung pada kekuatan keterhubungan mereka satu sama lain. Jika tiga komponen tersebut saling berinteraksi akan menghasilkan sejumlah jenis pengalaman cinta yang berbeda.

Pada beberapa tulisan kedepan kami akan berbagi konsep “Cinta” berdasarkan Teori cinta segitiga Stenberg yang merangkum teori-teori tertentu lainnya seperti “Spearmanian” Model, “Thomsonian” Model dan “Thurstonian” Model.

Kenapa si “cinta” ini perlu dibahas, karena banyak sekali fenomena yang terjadi di sekitar kita, khususnya sekolah dan pekerjaan permasalahan, konflik yang terjadi adalah mengatas namankan cinta. Sehingga “Cinta” menjadi sebuah hal tidak suci kembali.

Karena kami yakin, bahwa cinta tidak pernah salah, jika salah, mungkin Anda mencintai orang yang salah, atau Anda mencintai sesesorang dengan cara yang salah, atau Anda salah paham bahwa Anda sedang jatuh cinta.

Sebagai awalan, terlampir sebuah tabel bagaimana ketiga poin pondasi cinta tadi membentuk dasar konsep sebuah hubungan.

Dari tabel tersebut kita dapat melihat secara sederhana bagaimana sebuah cinta yang lengkap itu. Tetapi itu adalah sebuah gambaran sederhana saja, karena kenyataanya cinta adalah hal yang sederhana tetapi disaat yang bersamaan memiliki kompkesitas yang luar biasa. Karena segitiga, memiliki beragam bentuk dan cinta tidak hanya melibatkan satu segitiga.

***

Nb. Nama dan dialog di atas adalah fiktif, tetapi merupakan manisfestasi dari kejadian/cerita nyata yang terjadi pada beberapa klien, rekan dan fenomena dilingkungan kami.

***

Irfan Fahriza, Syari Fitrah 

***
Reference

Steinberg, Robert.J.(1986). A Triangular Theory of Love. The American Psychological Association. Vol.93, No.2, hal.119-13

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